budding scholar

Found a great new place to write and study, in the main library in San Francisco. Beautiful light, fairly quiet, high above the city. A new favorite. Can see myself spending a lot of time here working on papers this summer.

Working hard to identify that center of gravity of my study. Had a brainwave in the shower yesterday (anyone else typically get ideas in the shower?). But then tried to explain it this morning and it came out all wrong. But I feel closer. A post soon with the new ideas.

One of my professors talked about identifying the “center of gravity” of my dissertation project. By this she meant the main question driving it, the main way of tackling the question. We’re all interested in a lot of things, and want to include them all in one study, but for a dissertation project we need to hone in on one slice of the interest. Especially for the field research. Once we have collected our data we can start circling out again. But doing good research requires focus.

The center of gravity of my intellectual interest is on cultural difference and commonalty, how people learn about them, teach about them, come to understand what they mean. Government policy, personal interactions, community life. All ways people might encounter or learn about cultural difference. Studying immigration is my way of getting at this, since it almost always raises questions of difference, sameness, identity.

This is very mushy sounding. But I feel like in working on designing the dissertation, I’m revisiting my passions, why I’m in graduate school in the first place, as a way of ensuring the project I do will be meaningful.

Education is multidisciplinary and as a result we end up knowing bits of things from many different disciplines. Anthropology, political science, sociology, economics, and myriad crossover disciplines like public policy. This can make it more difficult to figure out our intellectual identity in education, especially if we are more academic than practice-oriented.

Immigration studies is an interdisciplinary field as well, pulling from the traditional disciplines much like education. Most scholars have training in one of the traditional disciplines.

Where does someone trained in education fit in terms of disciplines? I struggle with this sometimes. Figuring out where my contribution will be.

In a favorite spot, so that is good. Ready to think about how I’ll plan my summer of writing. Several important projects ahead, including the dissertation proposal, a conference paper, and two ongoing papers I’d like to turn into something more. More than anything, by the end of the summer I’m hoping to have a clearer idea of how to focus my fieldwork, and of what this larger research project is focusing on. Goal for today: work on the proposal, incorporating feedback and making a reading list.

After working harder than I ever have the day finally came and went and now it’s Thursday May 14th and orals was yesterday. Here’s a picture Juanjo took as I was leaving the room for the profs to confer. So much build up. Nerves. Anxiety. Worry. And then the day comes and you walk in there and do your best and hope that’s good enough. And it was. I did my best and feel like I showed all that I’d learned and knew and answered all the questions using what I know and have thought about. Amazing, it’s done! THANK YOU to all of those who supported me the last few months, this last year, but especially these last couple of weeks and days.

…taking an unfinished product, and making it look finished. As said to me this morning by a friend, who says it’s her boyfriend’s (hafl-joking) mantra (he just finished a Ph.D. in philosphy). Such is my task for orals–not some “finished” perfect mastery of the material, but the best I can do with what I have. Making all the reading and synthesizing I’ve done look “finished” when I open my mouth to answer questions on Wednesday.

A last weekend of studying before the big day. Priorities: getting through the last pieces I need to read or re-read, practicing talking out answers to questions with anyone who will listen, and solidifying my mental map of the literatures I’m covering. Personal priorities: get a good amount of sleep in the last nights before the exam, eat well, and get exercise. Luckily it’s the last weekend of work for Juanjo too in what’s been a very busy semester, so we’ll both be working and taking breaks together. Hopefully he won’t mind being my audience for practicing answering questions about policy, immigration, language in schools, and sociological theories!

Did a mock with 4 of my friends today and it was really hard! Got me feeling anxious and worried about how much more work I need to do. Felt like I talked in circles a fair amount of the time, though I know it wasn’t that bad. Was too tired–didn’t get enough sleep last night. Have a lot of practicing to do to streamline my answers so that each one actually has a real point, not just tangential bits of information connecting to what I’ve read. It’s really hard! And it’s different from first year orals, when we were all going through it together with the same material. Am glad I still have time left. Plan for the next week:

• Practice making my answers shorter.
• Write out answers to the questions I’ve put down on the lists.
• Make each answer have 3-4 main points, and draw on readings strategically to make the points not randomly to show I’ve read them.
• Think about each piece of reading and how it connects to my larger areas of specialization.
• Defining key terms, laying out central tensions and debates.
• Practice, practice, practice.

One week from orals. Was feeling very ready and calm. But the anxiety has now hit along with the pressure that comes along with setting off to do my research next year. There’s a lot riding on doing well with these milestones. Figuring out theory and research and how my study is going to make a real contribution seems like it’s 5 steps ahead of where I currently am, but yet I’m trying to get a prospectus done today to send out to my committee.

Three deep breaths. Three more. This is just one step. I’ll have so many many more. I’m working hard, every day, and that’s going to get me to the best place I can be for the exam. And it’s really all I can do. Breathe deep and keep a positive attitude. Looking at this ocean photo from Spain a year ago helps. My life might be urban SF Mission, BART, and the Berkeley campus right now, but ocean views and a week-long vacation are just around the corner… so breathe deep and look beyond the current moment of stress…..

Funny how a pep talk to yourself can actually work sometimes. I’m ready to strike out into the day, hit the library, and try my best. It’s not supposed to be easy after all, but I’ve always gotten through these kinds of challenges by sticking with them and giving a good effort. So here goes, another day of my best orals efforts…

Though nothing spectacular, this writing view has been working for me this week (rainy SF days, Bernal Hill still green in the distance, red brick and the boxes of a 15-foot loft window). Two days of morning writing just the way I like it. Back to using my desk upstairs, it feels just right.

I think I found a writing buddy for the summer. Still looking though so if you’re interested let me know. Maybe one day in the city and one day over in the East Bay. Libraries, coffee shops, I’m open to anywhere. The idea is to just support each other in making writing time happen, working toward writing goals.

Most of my writing next year will be dissertation fellowship applications and a lot of fieldnotes, memos, early dissertation writing. I wonder what my writing view will be in Barcelona? What’s your writing view? Maybe I’ll document here my favorite writing spots.