budding scholar

I am struggling with how to spend focused time on my own research, in the midst of all this work and classes. I know the pieces I’m learning in the classes will relate, but don’t know how yet. And it feels like the fact that I’m not focusing on my own reading and research at all this semester (haven’t had to, in fact, since my classes have their own self-contained assignments for the most part) means that I’m less inclined to make the connections with the kinds of questions I really care about.

What are those questions? This is perhaps the part of my development that is crying for attention. What do I care about now, and what do I want to study related to that?

…of course, a few hours before the paper is due, but not too stressful because I had a good draft to work with. Giving myself raw material is so important-just starting somewhere. Yet creating the space to be a writer is also important. I know I write better in the morning so I dragged myself out of bed and wrote for 40 minutes this morning. It always pays off. But most of the time the willpower not to snooze or reset the alarm escapes me.

When do you write best? What do you do to inspire yourself when it feels like drudgery? How do you find a rhythm for scholarly writing? Is it similar or different to how we find rhythms for other kinds of writing?

First big project pieces coming up due this week and next. The pressure of juggling so many pieces pressing hard into my neck and shoulders, leaving clenches of tension.

How do these assignments relate to the bigger picture of what I’m studying? If the topic doesn’t relate in any clear way, what am I getting out of it? Where does it make sense to go from where I am now?

At the end of my studies, I want the focus of my work to be relevant for policy. How can I make sure this happens?

Some days of academic study are filled with self doubt about the (ir?)relevance of the work and the direction it will go. And especially about how it will all fit together in a tidy summation of Ph.D. experience. Today is one of those days.

Enlightening is a strong word, but is what it feels like when the pieces begin coming together in graduate school, however early in the stage. This is what I had been missing, what I had so strongly in my master’s, but hadn’t yet felt in the Ph.D. There is some necessary self-absorption, inward focus on one’s own process, in graduate school. This is part of the growth. And to some degree (mostly because of working too much, and perhaps the choice of classes), last year I hadn’t gone deeply into what I care about, why I am doing this, and how the ideas I’m learning about are meaningful for me.

Perhaps the most important thing she said was that the next stage of my draft Fulbright proposal that I sent her needs to be connecting some theory, research questions, and data collection methods (i.e., research design). This involves reading a lot, vetting theories, talking with people doing work in the areas, and writing down the ideas. The reading a lot is the first piece I’m going to focus on.

The other thing she said is that if I want to do the comparative, international piece, I need to think long and hard about what that level of analysis lets me look at. What kinds of questions can be answered at the cross-country level around immigration and teaching? Why is the study meaningful at this level? Perhaps the instruction and immigration policy issues are better looked at at the local or country level. And if this is the case, why Spain?

Speaking of the Fulbright, I decided not to apply this year (following what I believe to be the sound advice of my adviser). I will be better prepared to apply next year. But the process of thinking about it and writing down a proposal for my ideas was very generative, and is, I think, helping to get this semester off to a good start.

It’s due in 12 days, so that isn’t much time. It is completely possible though. I’ve brainstormed some ideas, and know who I would ask for the recommendation. But I’m not sure whether I have it in me to pull the application together.

Yet it would be very exciting, and mark a great next step to my career, even if I don’t get it. I want to do international work, and I want to apply for fellowships this year. I also think that I have a good idea, if I can find the right place to study it.

Thoughts?

This is the view from my office at school this afternoon. That’s the San Francisco Bay and Marin hills in the distance.

Am thinking a lot about my new and inspired idea about what I can do with my Ph.d. career. If I pursue this idea of a cross-country study of teacher education policy responses to immigration, what would make sense to specialize in? We are required to have 3 areas of specialization in our program, and they should grow out of my research question. Potential ideas are:

• Immigration and education
• Policy formation/implementation/evaluation
• Teacher education
• Multiculturalism in education
• Bilingualism/Second language learning
• A research methodology?

I got one of the sociology classes I was interested in, on race and ethnic relations, so now my schedule for the semester is settled. It’s an extremely heavy reading class, but I expect to enjoy the material and learn a lot about history and current theories of race and ethnicity.

I introduced myself at the beginning of class, and for the first time ever, someone asked me whether I was a student of my advisor, and I felt what it’s like to begin to take on and be associated with someone’s research and way of thinking about education questions. I also felt, as I described what I’m interested in first in the measurement class, and then in the sociology class, how rusty I am at ruminating on and describing my own interests. Yet this is what it’s all about, what I need to focus on this year: how do my interests coalesce into 3 areas of specialization and one basic question?

I am thinking about applying for a Fulbright to go to Spain next year and do research on education policy responses to immigration.

Classes start tomorrow. The beginning of Year 2. The first two years will be mostly coursework, and then starting next year my class load will be much lighter, so I’ve only got 1 more year of this. It makes me nervous to be starting school again, to be back in the mode of working more than I should. Yet the overall goal makes it all worth it, so I shall continue.

I’m going to take a measurement class, organizational theory with my advisor, theories of literacy, and either a sociology or evaluation class, depending on whether I get into one of the sociology classes or not.

Time to hunker down and focus on developing my focus more closely. As always, my job helps with building research skills and gaining experience in a variety of areas, but the point of graduate school is to build my own research focus/agenda. How will each one of the classes this semester contribute to building that focus?