Noise
Thursday afternoon in the Mission and the sound of a tow truck bringing a car to the repair shop across the street pounds against my head. Backwards forwards, beep-beep-beep. Not sure when it happened but one day I’d had enough of this neighborhood, this house, and now I can’t wait to move. Quiet. Outdoor space. Sun. Warm summers. These are the things I’m craving today.
And a vacation. A real one, where I don’t think about work for at least a week. Where the enthusiasm for what I’m doing can be rekindled.
Doing a Ph.D. is hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s filled with uncertainty, loneliness, and a whole lot of decisions that I need to make on my own but don’t quite know how to handle. And maybe one of the biggest reasons it’s so hard is the uncertaintly. Half the time it doesn’t even feel worthwhile, it’s hard to see how it is going to help me make a contribution to much of anything.
Noise, noise. Noise outside, noise in my head. Time to seek out quiet and stillness, and take some time off. Good thing we are going for a hike this weekend.